Agricorp and Pigeon King

So it’s been a little while since my last post – the summer weather has just been too enticing. But I’m back and I’m on the rampage over the recent Pigeon King International bankruptcy notice. But it’s really not the bankruptcy that has me fired up – it’s my old friend Agricorp and their recent announcement that the losses incurred by the participants in the Pigeon King scheme could be included in their AgriStability application. (Better Farming, July 5/08 – www.betterfarming.com)Yes, you read that right – included in their AgriStability application with the ability of recovering that loss just like a pork producer would. But the pork producer incurred a loss on the pigs because the price of pork products doesn’t return a larger amount than the costs to feed the pigs. The same can’t be said for the pigeon producers. There is no market for the pigeons – in fact the pigeons are part of an alleged Ponzi scheme. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mind the Pigeon King participants getting their money back through Agricorp – as long as I (or any other farmer) can include the loss of the fifteen to twenty marijuana plants that were stolen from my field on my AgriStability application. At least there’s a market for the marijuana – right? And don’t forget its medicinal values. And what about a farmer’s loss on the meth-lab that he’s got set up on the back of the farm property? If it explodes, can the loss of the expected revenue be included on the AgriStability form? So I called Agricorp to find out. Stop shaking your head – I really called them! They’re looking into it and will get back to me. I think that’s the same as saying “the cheque is in the mail”. I’m not holding my breath. When a person calls Agricorp, they hear a recording notifying the caller that the contents of the call are being recorded. I bet there’s been a lot of people at Agricorp listen to that conversation! I’m beginning to think that the only real pigeons in this scheme are the folks at Agricorp. Hope not!

Agricultural Matrimonial Bliss

May and June seem to be THE months for weddings – at least according to my social calendar. I have had weddings on several weekends of May and June. During the weddings, I get sentimental about my own marriage (insert a gag reflex here) and try to remember the many fond memories that I have about my own wedding ceremony and early days of the marriage. One of the young couples that tied the knot recently asked me if I had any words of wisdom for them or stories to relate about my early days of marriage that they might learn from. They know that I always have a story. After conveying my story to the excited young couple, they insisted that I agree to include it in my blog – so here goes.

Perfect Peter and I were married on the long weekend in September (23 years ago). Not really the best time of the year for a young farmer to get married – hindsight is 20/20. At that time, Snyderdale Farms was in its early stages of growth and as such there were only 500 laying hens on the farm and they were housed in the old converted grainery room of the nearly 100-year old barn. (For those readers who don’t know what a grainery room is, it is a small windowless room that was used to store grain or feed. The grainery room measured about 6 feet tall, 8 feet wide and 12 feet long.) In order for the laying hens to survive in the grainery room, a circulating fan was mounted in the exterior wall of the barn. There were two rows of cages, two cages high and that held all 500 birds. There was a ‘door’ in the floor that was used to get rid of the chickens’ manure when the pile got too deep and when the smell was no longer tolerable. One indicator of that was when the ammonia smell was so strong that you cried when gathering the eggs – and the crying wasn’t because you were upset about anything other than the smell. And if that was not indicator enough, one could always use the amount of flies in the room as a determination of when it was time to clean out the manure. When the egg gatherer could no longer see out of the lenses of their glasses due to the number of the flies, it was time to clean out the manure. So simply picture a small, low-ceilinged, cramped, smelly, dusty room with limited ventilation and 500 feathered friends making an abundance of noise while producing eggs in the woven trough in front of them and producing poop that dropped to the floor below them until such time that Perfect Peter could deal with it. One final detail of the description of the chicken room – the door. The door on the grainery room was a simple latch and eye closure. Nothing fancy – functional was all that was needed.

Now the barn/farm scene has been set. Here’s the event. Perfect Peter decided that he wanted to socialize with one of our close friends and neighbours (also farmers) and so suggested that we invite them over for supper one Saturday evening. I agreed, made the arrangements and said “Are you sure that this won’t interfere with the combining?” Perfect Peter discounted my question totally and replied, “I might be a little late.” Confident that Perfect Peter was indeed perfect, I believed him and was quite excited to be hosting our first (of oh so many!) dinner in our farmhouse. I labored over the menu, worried about the centerpiece, ironed all the napkins – yes, I used cloth napkins. What was I thinking? The time had come. Our guests drove in the laneway, I lit the candles, I greeted the guests and said that Peter would be in shortly – dinner wasn’t quite ready so waiting a little while wouldn’t hurt anything. Trying to be the perfect hostess, I rambled on and on and on…..for nearly an hour. The perfect hostess qualifications were quickly leaving me and were being replaced with perfectly pissed off newlywed wife waiting for Perfect Peter – who I was beginning to realize might not be so perfect after all! After waiting an hour, we went ahead and ate supper. It’s hard to cover up those ‘pissed off’ feelings even on a full stomach. Another hour went by and still no signs of Perfect Peter. Having consumed all of the wine (thank God there wasn’t a lot!) by now and recognizing that a storm was brewing, my intelligent guests decided that they didn’t want to be anywhere near Snyderdale Farms when Perfect Peter finally showed up. So they bid me good night and the female of the couple whispered good luck in my ear, thanked her lucky stars that she hadn’t married Perfect Peter, and departed.

After nearly four hours had passed since my guests (and they were only MY guests since I was the only one here to entertain them!) had arrived, I see the lights from the combine in the barnyard. Needless to say, I was steaming! I would guess that a steaming mad, redneck American, newlywed wife who ironed cloth napkins for nothing is not a very pretty sight. I thought to myself, “Perfect Peter better get on his suit of armor before coming in the house – because he’s going to need it”. The back door opened and Perfect Peter entered and he was sheepishly smiling – but not for long. Perfect Peter may not have been able to be on time but he knew that he was in a hole so deep that there may have not been enough rope anywhere to get himself out. Apologies were spewing out of Perfect Peter’s mouth – faster than an erupting volcano. And talk about eruption – every ounce of energy that I had (and remember four hours’ worth of practice gives plenty of time for creativity – both in language and content!) came out of me with volume, force, tears and promises of action ending with a new location of Perfect Peter’s bed.

Needless to say – I didn’t sleep so well that night (and quite frankly I don’t care whether Perfect Peter slept at all) and later the next day, I was able to discuss the previous evening’s events at a lower volume level and with more reason. Ultimately I accepted Not-So-Perfect Peter’s apology and his promise to improve his behavior and actions (something that I’m still waiting for) and proceeded to help with the chores.

Now here’s Perfect Peter going all out, trying to be nice and affectionate and me, not much warmer than a cucumber at this point. In my mind I thought that Perfect Peter had to work a little harder if he wanted me to respond positively to his actions. We walked to the barn after he opened the back door and he gently took my hand in his. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? I thought to myself that he’s really making an effort here. As we walked, he chatted about his plans for the week and asked me the same. He told me how important I was to him and how much I meant to him. I thought, “maybe Perfect Peter really isn’t an inconsiderate pig after all.” Perfect Peter was really trying to be sweet. We both went into the chicken room and began to gather the days’ worth of eggs. Peter suggested that he’d go feed the cattle, I could finish the egg-gathering and upon completion, we could go out for dinner. “Awwww – he really is trying to make up for last night”, I thought. I agreed to his suggestion. Peter left the chicken room and I finished the task at hand. Once completed, I headed to the door of the chicken room for my exit. I pulled on the door and couldn’t get the door to open – not even to budge a little. I was locked in the chicken room! The process of yelling and pounding on the door began but to no avail. With the fan running and the tractor and feeder for the cattle both running, my yells and pounds were simply drowned out of Perfect Peter’s hearing. After nearly thirty minutes of yelling and after the cattle were fed, Perfect Peter heard me and realized that out of habit, he simply left the chicken room, latched the hook on the door and went to feed. I’m sure that he thought about leaving me in the chicken room for a little while – to give me some time to cool down – like that was going to happen. That thought quickly left him when he remembered the current location of his bed in the house already. Suddenly, I heard the latch open. Speechless but coughing from the flies that I had swallowed, I left the chicken room, walked by Perfect Peter without so much as a glance and proceeded to walk to house as I shook the millions of flies that were now nesting, out of my hair. Slowly I walked to the house as I heard Peter desperately calling, “I’m sorry – I’m SOOOOOOO sorry!” As I walked, I began to smile as I knew that Perfect Peter couldn’t see my face. Why was I smiling? This was when I realized that he was perfect – perfect for me. And I never let him forget it.

Kellogg’s Mini-Wheats are a Major Rip-off

I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I certainly know when I’m being fed a line of crap. And the crap spreading became clear at my local Zehr’s store yesterday when I went down the cereal aisle to pick up some cereal. So manure spreaders weren’t being sold when you were last at Zehr’s? Well, keep your eyes peeled.

Kellogg’s Mini-Wheats is one of my family’s favourites but I think that cereal prices are ridiculous so I usually steer clear of quick cereal. But daughter Lauren wanted to see if she could find an ‘affordable’ cereal that I would consent to buy. The Kellogg’s Mini-Wheat box boasts 100% whole wheat you know. I don’t know if that is stated to make consumers think it’s more healthy or make them think that Kellogg’s is helping farmers. Lauren checked out the Mini-Wheats first and gleefully ran a box over to me and said “It’s under $4.00 Mom, can I throw them in the cart?” I didn’t believe her – not because she was batting her baby blues at me. Because I know she would say almost anything to get a box of Mini-Wheats in the house. Anyway, I walked over to the Mini-Wheat section of the grocery shelf, looked at the price which had an ‘X’ over it and the original price had been replaced by a new price. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How could any sane Canadian (or any nationality for that matter!) pay THAT price for a box of cereal. Now if the box had been as big as my barn, maybe but the box was only as big as a sheet of paper. I asked one of the staff (a manager – not a bag boy) if this was a sale price and was told no. I was told that this new price is the regular everyday price. My blood began to boil. The original price was $6.29 and the new price was $3.99 for the same price. That’s a 36.5% decrease in the box!! And for no reason other than to change the ‘everyday’ price. How’s that possible? Maybe since the name of the cereal is ‘Mini’, it’s made for smaller grains of wheat, so logically the price would be littler? Come on! I guess folks with ‘mini’ brains would think that was correct. But these are the facts folks – wheat prices have gone up, food shortages are discussed in every form of news format and consumers are advised that higher food prices should be expected. All factors that would indicate that the price of Mini-Wheats should be going up – not down. So who’s yankin’ my chain here? How could the price of a box of cereal possibly be reduced by this much (unless it’s a loss leader weekly sale price) considering all of the evident factors pointing to higher prices? Somebody’s crap-spreading. Zehr’s better be prepared for my next visit – especially if the Mini-Wheats price is back up to $6.29. I will be more than ‘mini’ mad. Perfect Peter better have the bail money ready. My redneck genes are showing. Now I know why my kids won’t grocery shop with me.

Hoping for more than apple pie at WTO negotiations

I just finished reading the news release (www.agr.gc.ca/cb/index_e.php?s1=n&s2=2008&page=n80520) from Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada, quoting the Honourable Gerry Ritz on the most recent draft proposal for the WTO negotiations. Talk about picking your words carefully! I loved the quote “We will be pressing hard (Italics added by blogger) for an outcome from the Doha Round which is good for all of Canadian agriculture, including both our export oriented and supply managed industries.”

Now what does that mean – ‘pressing hard’? Is that the same as ‘insisting upon’ or ‘won’t sign without’? When I press hard for something in negotiations with Perfect Peter– say a new patio – I nag and badger and know that potentially I may have to walk away with a new potted plant instead of a whole new patio. There may even be side deals that aren’t revealed until way down the road. You know what I mean. For instance “if you make me an apple pie every week during planting season, I’ll consider a new garden bench to go with that planted pot”. Or “if I can golf every weekend in June, there’s a new patio set of furniture in it for you.” Got the picture now? So unless that new potted plant is marijuana (with a high value chain resale potential), the new patio is simply a dream. Does Ritz even like apple pie? Maybe India and China have a good recipe. Time will tell. I’ve only been waiting since 2001.  Talk about making your mouth water!

BMO’s View of Supply Management

Today I read an email that I received from the General Manager of the Egg Farmers of Ontario (EFO). The email directed me to the following article in the Toronto Star: www.thestar.com/article/426706. The article is written by Don Coxe, Global Portfolio Strategist at BMO Financial Group. The email from EFO included a prelude that stated, “For those who bank with the BMO call and ask them if they support the position put forward by their strategist to eliminate supply management!!!!!” After receiving the email, I read the article in order to determine if I needed to contact BMO. I think the article makes a great deal of sense and is transparent – which is more than I can say for the EFO. Amongst many suggestions, Coxe suggests that supply management be ended. To some that seems unbelievable –especially to most quota holders. Wonder if tobacco farmers find it unbelievable? But if the government would follow through with Coxes’ recommendations, quota holders would be paid market value for their quota. I’m sure the tobacco farmers would have loved hearing such an offer from the government. In an earlier email that I received in the previous week, EFO General Manager stated, “I would like you call/email/write/fax/visit your MP to let them know the text (current draft WTO text) is not in the best interest of Canada and not in keeping with the motion passed in November 2005.” I would be happy to contact my MP to tell him that current proposed agreements are not in keeping with the motion that was passed in November 2005 but I’m not willing to communicate that the text is not in the best interest of Canada. That requires much more thought and research. A more correct statement might be that it’s not in the best interest of quota holders. Maybe in the mean time, EFO can develop a plan to carry on business without supply management if that is required in the future. But wait- didn’t I already ask for that at my zone’s annual meeting? Yes, I did. Someone will have to check the minutes to see for sure – but wait, there were no minutes kept. Even if there were minutes kept, you couldn’t get them. EFO doesn’t have to provide minutes – even to their members (except for the provincial annual meeting minutes).

The New F-Word?

As I continue to pursue my agriculture communications graduate diploma, I have been reminded of how simple my non-academic life can be – and the vocabulary that goes with it. To illustrate this point, let me tell you about a very recent online classroom discussion. One of the instructors was describing a communications term, called ‘relationship marketing’. Don’t get excited – even though it sounds a little like speed dating, it’s not. This is how it works. Relationship marketing is where a constituent (or a consumer) values the relationship that they have with an organization, a company or a product. The organization or company then takes steps to strengthen and maintain that relationship. Sounds complicated and extravagant to me but when you cut through the…er…crap – a talent that agriculture nurtures – it’s really known as sucking up. After this realization, I came to appreciate a little more a comment that was made in my class as well. The comment wasn’t from an instructor this time but a reputable, common sense source nonetheless – a farmer. He commented that the word ‘farmer’ and/or ‘farm’ had truly become the ‘f-word’. Well, what do you think of that? Once again, the farmer cuts through the crap and says it like it is. Is ‘farmer’ the new f-word? I must admit that I haven’t seen it scrawled on bathroom walls throughout the area. Has it been replaced by more extravagant terms like ‘agriculture’ and ‘agri-business’? Statistics show that farmers are one of the most trusted occupations in Canada. I certainly can’t use the word ‘farmer’, the same way as the more common f-word – by adding ‘ing’ and using it to describe my bank fees or maybe used just once to describe Agricorp (those were my pre-Oprah days!). Maybe it’s time to get back to basics and that means calling a spade, a spade and a farmer, a farmer.

Update on Oprah and The New Earth

So I’ve been following Eckhart and Oprah and their online discussion of Eckhart Tolle’s newest book, “A New Earth”. I’ve learned many things from this experience. The first thing that I learned was that I didn’t need Post-it Notes to read the book even though Sophie (the Post-it poster child) thinks that I do. Second I learned that there might be something to this spirituality journey that is discussed in this book. Though many of the ideas in the book seemed difficult to apply, the discussion with Oprah and Eckhart helped demonstrate that maybe there’s merit to the ideas presented in the book. Go figure? I learned a great deal about my ego – and I always thought that I was supposed to like my ego. Add that to my list of mistakes made in my first 45 years of life. I’m ready to have the second volume of that list bound and published for my husband’s pleasure. And I must mention the pain body that we all carry around with us and are trying to get rid of. Now don’t confuse my pain body with my body pain that is felt when I practice Oprah’s trainer, Bob Greene’s daily exercise routine. Can you tell that Oprah and I are close – at least in my mind, we are. There’s still two more weeks of online discussion left and Oprah is being called the Anti-Christ and a few other names that I probably shouldn’t write in my blog. Regardless, how can this be all bad – here’s a woman (Oprah) and a man (Eckhart) trying to help others through their online book discussion. And the help that they’re trying may provide purpose to the lives of many. Even if it helps one person, isn’t that good? Even if it’s Sophie, the Post-it Poster Child. One final request – could someone please show Sophie the way out of that book. She keeps saying that she’s lost in the book. Maybe MapQuest?

It’s Maple Syrup Time in Ontario – Photo Essay – From Sap to Syrup

Sweet! Lucky for me, my Perfect Peter makes maple syrup with his father and two brothers. Here is a photo essay showing Perfect Peter tapping the tree, monitoring the sap in the holding tanks and then turning it into the liquid gold that is maple syrup. I better go get the pancakes ready!

Can Oprah Help Agricorp?

I read a recent article from CKNX radio’s website that stated the Provincial Agricultural Minister has asked the Auditor General to examine Agricorp’s services and procedures.  I laughed when I read this because I recently had an interesting experience with Agricorp.  I received three separate $100 invoices from Agricorp for each of our farm’s three partner’s membership fees for Agricorp’s CAIS (now changed to AgriInvest and AgriStability) program.  The invoices were accurate and valid and I was ready to pay them.  In order to keep as much of my money in my bank account as possible, I decided to pay the total of the fees in one cheque, using one envelope and one stamp.  Sounds like common sense to me.  I thought maybe I should write a letter explaining that the cheque covered three invoices and to include the three partners participant numbers in the letter as well.  I prepared the letter, wrote the single cheque and stuffed the stamped envelope.  I had to call Agricorp regarding another matter and during that conversation, I explained to Dorothy, one of Agricorp’s helpful staff about the payment that I had just prepared for Agricorp.  She checked my file and said that three separate cheques were required.  I asked her to tell me why three cheques were required.  She explained that in order to get the payments credited to the appropriate account, it would be necessary to send three separate cheques, in three separate envelopes.  I explained that I wanted to save as much money on the transaction as possible so sending one cheque in one envelope would save bank fees on three separate cheques, the cost of two additional envelopes and two additional stamps.  I didn’t think that it was rocket-scientist-level thinking to understand the cost savings in my approach to the situation but maybe my expectations of Agricorp were too high.  After all shouldn’t Agricorp want me to incorporate cost savings into my farm and business practices since CAIS is really a savings account for farmers during years of less than average financial returns?   Dorothy again replied that if I wanted to ensure that my payment was credited properly, it would be necessary for me to send three separate cheques, in three separate envelopes.  Naturally, I could feel my blood pressure beginning to rise because this is a perfect example of how common sense in government transactions is becoming less evident.  But thanks to my recent study of Oprah’s book, The New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle, I am trying to evolve and find my inner purpose.  I decided that my inner purpose in this situation was to point out to Agricorp that their employees should look for new jobs if they couldn’t read an explanatory letter and credit the proper accounts accordingly.  But Oprah’s and Eckhart’s voices kept whispering in my ear that I needed to explain that calmly and tactfully and without being egotistical.  So I took a deep breath to find my inner peace (okay, so maybe it took more than one breath!) and calmly stated to Dorothy that mankind had really progressed intellectually and we had come a long way.  Dorothy said that she didn’t understand what I meant.  I said that maybe I should rephrase my statement and ask a question instead.  Dorothy said that she would be happy to answer any question that I asked.  I expressed my gratitude for Dorothy’s willingness to help me, but somehow knew that her willing nature would soon come to an end.  So I then asked Dorothy if the employees at Agricorp had an intelligence level high enough to receive an explanatory letter, complete with names, participants numbers, etc. and a cheque for payment and understand what accounts the payment should be credited to?  There was a long pause at the end of my question – probably long enough for Dorothy to take a deep breath and find her inner peace – or maybe just something to throw!  I could sense that Dorothy’s willingness to help me was fading fast.  Eventually Dorothy said that she knew there was enough intelligence at Agricorp to handle my letter and payment.  I think maybe Dorothy was gritting her teeth at this point because her replies were becoming more and more difficult to understand.  Happily I replied that I was thankful for Agricorp’s intelligence level and stated that I would include in my explanatory letter that Dorothy had assured me that the payment would be credited appropriately.  After my call, I think Dorothy was considering a job change. Maybe Agricorp should get Oprah to provide training for their staff to find their inner peace too?  I wonder if the Auditor General could suggest that.     

 

The Role of the Agricultural Fair

In early March, the Canadian federal government announced a half million dollar grant to conduct a study in an attempt to improve Canada’s agricultural fairs and exhibitions. 

Here is another example of my taxpayer dollars being spent (wasted?) on yet another study.  Does it take a new study to evaluate today’s fairs and exhibitions?  I’m not convinced that it does.  Evaluation of today’s fairs and exhibitions needs a clear objective look at how the role of fairs has changed over time.  The structure of many of today’s fairs is simply “that’s the way it’s always been done”.  Do the people that say that still drive buggies pulled by horses instead of cars or trucks?  Generally the people that use that phrase are well-meaning nostalgic individuals who have a passion for the event or the history of the event.  I am sometimes one of those but even I drive a car.

Let’s take a look at the purpose of the fair when my parents (now 85) were youngsters.  The fair was primarily a social event.  An event held to bring the whole community together and at that time, the whole community was one hundred percent agricultural or agribusiness.  Fifty years later, the ferris wheel still turning and now I am a youngster.  The community is no longer totally agricultural.   The community has become manufacturing-driven.  More non-agricultural businesses have been established.  More and more people are leaving the farm to pursue novel, non-agricultural roles.  Did the fairs change to accommodate this societal change?  In most cases, probably not.  Did the attendance numbers at fairs decrease?  They certainly did.

Now, in 2008, my children are now older teenagers.  Less than two percent of all the population lives on farms.  There are hundreds of social activities, clubs, groups, etc. that compete for my kids’ time and money.  And don’t forget all the time spent on social networks like Facebook and MySpace.  Today’s teens are no longer interested in going to the fairs because there are more attractive recreational activities in which they want to participate.  Many existing fairs still operate with the mentality of “that’s the way it’s always been done”.  It doesn’t take an expensive study to realize this fact.     

Most fairs are operated through the efforts of many committed hard-working volunteers – volunteers that have been involved in the operation of the fairs for decades.  Sometimes it’s these well-intentioned volunteers who keep the organization’s structure and example of “that’s the way it’s always been done”. 

Agriculture has changed dramatically in the last hundred years.  The picture of today’s farms is more corporate and less family or community oriented.  More and more farm operations require a second income to order to be profitable.  There’s not a lot of time left to make jams, jellies and preserves and enter them in the fair to compete for a blue ribbon.       

Maybe a fair should be an avenue where folks that are removed from agriculture can go and experience farm life.  The novelty of amusement rides is no longer relevant.  Ferris wheels and merry-go-rounds can be seen in parking lots of malls throughout Canada all summer – not to mention at Canada’s Wonderland every day. 

During the period of time when the Waterloo Federation of Agriculture hosted the Annual Farm Tour, it was clear that urbanites loved the opportunity to bring their families out for a day of touring farmers throughout the county.  Thousands of people went on the tour.  They wanted to see the animals and how the products that they ate every day were connected to the farm.  Unfortunately issues such as biosecurity and animal welfare perceptions have brought that type of experience to an end.

Changing the role of the fair is long overdue.  It’s time for agriculture to educate non-agriculture about their industry.  Non-agriculture is definitely interested and wants to learn.  The agriculture industry just hasn’t figured out how to teach it.  I don’t understand why it takes half a million to do a study.  Why not take the half a million and get started acting on the answer instead of studying it?  The facts are already there.