What do you mean “Have a happy period?”

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“Have a happy period”. Is that something like “Have a happy birthday”? Does Hallmark sell cards for both of these occasions? I don’t think so! What is Proctor and Gamble thinking? Surely they can’t think that having a slogan like this one is going to increase their sales. What marketing course advises having a slogan that annoys their customers as much as this one must?

First I had to tolerate listening to the advertisements that celebrated that during your menstrual cycle, one could now swim, ride a bike and go horseback-riding. I find it amazing that merely by inserting a tampon would somehow teach one how to swim, ride a bike and a horse. With that type of knowledge bestowed on the wearer of the tampon, I’m surprised that men aren’t trying to insert them into their bodies somewhere.

Next on the feminine hygiene bandwagon is the slogan, “being a girl, rocks!” Surely this must have been a typo. They must have meant “being a girl, sucks!” Blame the typist – she was probably on her period, right?

And now the final straw, “Have a happy period”. The only way that I’m going to be able to have a happy period is with a great deal of Midol and/or regular consumption of rum.

And now tampons have been branded with the term ‘pearl’. According to Wikipedia, pearls are a classified as a gemstone and the word pearl has become a metaphor for something that is rare, fine, and admirable. Naturally when I think of tampons, I simultaneously think of something that is rare, fine and admirable. Doesn’t every woman?!

Advertisers of feminine hygiene products need to stick to the attractive selling points of their products. Ease of use would be one of those. Another would be the dimensions of the product – is it thin enough that it doesn’t feel like I’ve got a towel between my legs? Will the product be absorbent enough to keep me from throwing out my underwear every time I change the pad? Those are features I’m interested in.

To the advertisers of feminine hygiene products: your customers listen to your ads simply telling them about the useful features of your products like ‘flexi-wings’, the famous braided string, or the clean-wipe that comes with some brands. Quit telling me that having my period should make me happy! Action speaks louder than words. I am joining other annoyed women by refusing to buy your products until the inappropriate slogan is gone.

Now I feel better. Maybe I don’t need that extra Midol after all.

 

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