Anyone who knows me would know that my Christmas wish list includes Diet Coke and Captain Morgan. Not too hard to please really. But let’s take a look at some other wish lists that Santa might be receiving.
U.S. President Obama – He’s probably asking for an extension of rock to go on that ‘ledge’ that he keeps referring to. Otherwise all those gun-toting, tobacco-chewing Republicans are going to push him off the ledge that is there.
Premier Dalton McGuinty – He’s wishing for driving lessons. Look out Ontarians – Dalton is going to be back behind the wheel since he’s stepping down as premier. Better amp up your insurance – if you can afford it, thanks to good ol’ Dalton.
The Mayan Indians – They’re wishing for a new, improved calendar as their current calendar is ending on December 21st. Who knows? Maybe they’re right about all this – at least from the looks of the threat of chemical warfare talk in Syria. Yikes!
Ontario Lottery and Gaming – I imagine they’re hoping for a gigantic glue factory for all the horses that are no longer going to be needed in Ontario with the ‘modernization’ of the whole slot program. They shouldn’t worry though. As long as there are Mennonites procreating, there will always be a need for horses. Thank goodness Mennonites say ‘neigh’ to birth control! Oh that was a groaner, wasn’t it? I just couldn’t resist.
The folks of Woolwich Township opposing the gravel pits – They’re wishing that their elected officials who promised to stop the gravel pits, get coal in their stockings and then don’t get elected on their next run. And all this wishing comes while they’re whining and bitching about the high price of getting their driveways and patios paved, as a result of trucking in all the gravel – Duh!
The folks of Woolwich Township who wanted slots in Woolwich ten years ago but didn’t voice their opinion – They’re wishing that lots of folks complete the online OLG survey on Woolwich Township’s web site, putting out the welcome mat for a potential casino. Sure would have been nice to have said ‘yes’ over ten years ago. That new arena would be debt-free. Hindsight? Let’s hope they learn from it.
All farmers who produce supply-managed commodities – They’re wishing for a natural disaster of some kind to delay the Trans Pacific Trade Talks. Could these farmers also be Mayans? Keep wishing boys and girls! Sell while quota still has a value.
Santa Claus – He’s wishing that everyone would focus on the real meaning of Christmas and forget about all the materialism and ‘keeping up with the Jones’ that seems to be happening. Giving of your time is much more valuable than giving ‘stuff’. Keeps Santa’s bag a little more manageable too.
Merry Christmas to One and All – Here’s where you picture me holding my Christmas glass of ‘spiced’ Diet Coke, while growling like a pirate. Oh, life is good!